We’ve all heard the phrase “right person, wrong time.” Some of us have probably even used it. But what does it really mean? Is it just a romanticised excuse for a relationship that didn’t work out, or is there some truth behind the idea?
Here, we unpack this concept and explore why timing plays such a critical role in relationships. While it’s easy to get lost in the what-ifs, understanding the complexity of timing can give you the clarity you need when it comes to love or letting go.
What does ‘right person, wrong time’ mean?
The phrase “right person, wrong time” is often used to describe a situation where you connect deeply with someone, only to realise that circumstances or life stages make it impossible to pursue that connection fully. It’s the idea that, if only the timing had been different, things could have worked out. You might imagine that in another life, or at another time, you and that person would have had a long, fulfilling relationship. Think of the characters from your favourite shows, the ones who felt like they were destined for each other but couldn’t quite make it work. It’s Connell and Marianne, Fleabag and Hot Priest, and Bob Harris and Charlotte in Lost in Translation. You know, the love stories you never really get over. For many, the concept of ‘right person, wrong time’ offers a bittersweet sense of hope: maybe, just maybe, things will fall into place later.
It’s comforting for some because it helps you let go without regret, knowing that the love was real, just not meant to be—at least for now. And while that might ease the sting in the short term, it’s important to take a step back and ask whether the timing really is the issue, or if it’s something else entirely.
Is the 'right person, wrong time' just an excuse?
Some experts argue that the ‘right person, wrong time’ narrative is nothing more than an excuse for a relationship that never had the right foundation to begin with[1]. They suggest that when a relationship doesn’t get a chance to grow, it can become an idealised fantasy. The reality is that relationships are complicated, and many factors come into play that go beyond timing: values, emotional readiness, compatibility, and the natural ebb and flow of human connection.
Take Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. Their relationship was once the stuff of tabloid gossip, before they broke up in 2004. Fast forward nearly 20 years, and they reunite, marry, and then separate again after just two years. Their “second chance” wasn’t the fairy tale they may have imagined. This kind of story doesn’t necessarily debunk the idea of ‘right person, wrong time,’ but it does highlight that even with all the right elements, timing alone doesn’t guarantee success.
Why does timing matter so much?
So, why does timing seem to matter so much in relationships? Here are some of the reasons why two people might be right for each other but just not at the right time:
- You’re at different stages of life: Maybe you’re focused on building your career, while they’re looking to settle down. Or maybe you’re in a phase of personal growth, while they’re seeking something more stable. Sometimes, timing is about life circumstances, not just how you feel about each other.
- You’re both still healing: Sometimes, when you meet someone at the wrong time, it’s because you’re still processing the past, emotionally or mentally. Maybe you’ve just gotten out of a relationship, or you need time to rediscover who you are before you can fully connect with someone else.
- You’re in different places geographically: Long-distance relationships can work, but timing plays a huge role here too. If the distance feels insurmountable or your lives are on separate tracks, sometimes love just doesn’t have the chance to grow the way it should.
- The timing’s just off for now: Sometimes, it’s simply about life’s natural course. You might meet someone who feels like the right person, but the timing just isn’t there. Maybe you’re both too busy or not emotionally available. The right connection could be waiting for the right moment, but that moment might not be today.
Things to keep in mind
If you’ve ever found yourself saying “right person, wrong time,” it can be easy to get stuck in the fantasy of what might have been. However, it’s crucial to remember that there are many factors beyond timing that influence whether or not a relationship works. And even if someone feels like the right person, it doesn’t always mean they are.
Ultimately, the most important thing is staying true to yourself, aligning with your values, and being open to the possibilities life presents. You may not be able to force the timing, but you can choose to embrace what you learn from every experience. And who knows? Maybe the next time you meet someone, it’ll be the right person at the right time.
References
Seltzer, L. F. (2018). Wrong person, right time vs. right person, wrong time. Psychology Today. Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/evolution-of-the-self/201811/wrong-person-right-time-vs-right-person-wrong-time [1]
