We’ve always looked to screens to show us what desire should look like - the heat, the tension, the unspoken pull between two characters. These moments don’t just entertain us, they help shape how we think about sex, connection, and even our own experiences. But what we see on screen is changing. And it’s not just about being more explicit or progressive. It’s about how those scenes are made - with more care, more clarity and a deeper respect for everyone involved. That shift has a lot to do with a relatively new role working quietly behind the camera: the intimacy coordinator.
The rise of intimacy coordination
The idea of having an intimacy coordinator on set is still relatively new, but it’s already making a huge difference. This role came about because more and more people recognised how unprotected actors could feel during intimate scenes. Especially after the #MeToo movement, it became clear that many sex scenes had been handled in ways that left performers vulnerable. In the past, these moments were often loosely choreographed, or not choreographed at all. Actors had to figure things out as they went, sometimes under pressure from directors, with little room to voice discomfort.
That’s where intimacy coordinators come in. They’re trained professionals who make sure that everyone involved feels safe, respected, and supported. They work with actors and directors to create scenes that are not just believable, but also handled with care. With their help, consent isn’t something that happens once and gets forgotten - it’s woven into the whole process. And when everyone knows where the boundaries are, there’s actually more room for the scene to breathe, to feel real and to tell a deeper story.
Changing how desire looks and feels on screen
What’s really interesting about this shift is not just that it’s making things safer, but that it’s changing how intimacy looks on screen. For a long time, sex scenes were often designed to appeal to the viewer - especially a male viewer. They were about what looked good, not necessarily what felt true to the characters or the story. Now, with intimacy coordinators involved, there’s more focus on what’s actually happening between the characters. What’s the story here? How are these two people meeting in this moment? What does this say about them, about where they are emotionally?
This change means we’re seeing more layers in how desire is shown. Intimacy becomes something that builds - sometimes slowly, sometimes playfully - rather than just something that explodes into action. There’s space now for vulnerability, for awkwardness, even for humour. We’re not just watching passion in a vacuum; we’re watching people figure each other out, learning what it means to connect. And that feels more real, more relatable.
Seeing the shift in action
Shows like Normal People, Sex Education, and I May Destroy You are great examples of how this is playing out. They’ve been praised for showing intimacy in ways that feel honest, and a big part of that comes from the work of intimacy coordinators. In Normal People, you can see how trust grows between the characters - every touch feels thoughtful, like it belongs exactly where it is. The scenes aren’t just about sex; they’re about how these two people are trying to understand each other, emotionally and physically.
In I May Destroy You, intimacy coordination was key in helping the show handle some really difficult themes around consent and trauma. The series doesn’t just show what happened - it focuses on what comes after, on the complexity of reclaiming your body and your sense of self. Here, desire isn’t something done to the characters; it’s something they wrestle with, push against, or choose to define for themselves.
Consent as part of creativity
One of the most powerful things intimacy coordinators have brought to the table is the idea that consent isn’t a hurdle to get past - it’s actually part of the creative process. It’s not just about getting a “yes” and moving on. It’s about building a space where actors know they can explore a scene fully, because they know exactly where the lines are.
And when people feel safe, they can show up more fully. The performances are richer, more grounded. Directors, too, often find that working with an intimacy coordinator gives them more to work with, not less. With boundaries clearly set, they can focus on the meaning of the scene, on what the characters are really feeling, rather than worrying about what might cross a line.
Where we’re headed
As more productions embrace intimacy coordination, what we expect from on-screen desire is starting to change. We’re seeing stories that reflect the full range of human connection - the messiness, the beauty, the tension. We’re moving away from the idea of sex as just something to watch, and towards something we can understand, something that feels closer to real life.
This shift isn’t just about making better sex scenes. It’s part of a bigger change in how we think about intimacy itself - how we talk about it, how we experience it, and how we share it. Desire doesn’t have to be about spectacle anymore. It can be a dialogue. And that changes not just what we see on screen, but how we see each other.
