Eros was the ancient Greek deity of love, fertility, and sexual attraction. Like his counterpart in Roman mythology, Cupid, Eros was depicted as a winged, naked god, adorned with a crown of roses, who mischievously shot love arrows at humans. The consequences of his actions were frequently chaotic; once struck, Eros’ targets experienced a burning desire beyond their control.

Our concept of eroticism has largely remained true to its ancient origins. Eroticism encompasses sex and love, but more specifically, it’s about the elements that arouse desire. Objects with erotic symbolism in our culture include lingerie, candles, erotic novels, poetry, art, music, oysters, whips, feathers, and, not surprisingly, roses.

The common thread among erotic materials or practices is their ability to stimulate the brain, our biggest sex organ. Erotic experiences excite the body on a sensual level; for example, a light touch can further engage the brain through the possibilities and anticipation of sexual connection.

Some important contemporary thinkers have championed and elaborated on the meaning of eroticism. According to sex therapist Esther Perel, eroticism isn’t inherently sexual. “It’s an experience of aliveness which beats back deadness,” she states in her work. Perel emphasises that romantic relationships need two tandem forces to thrive: intimacy and eroticism. Intimacy encompasses the security, predictability, and closeness many people crave in their relationships. In contrast, they also seek mystery, spontaneity, freedom, novelty, creativity, imagination, and adventure—all elements of the erotic.

Perel has clearly been influenced by Audre Lorde, the Black, lesbian, feminist poet. Lorde famously stated that we must not confuse the pornographic with the erotic. Her concept of the erotic, as articulated in her 1978 essay, ‘Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power’, is a life-affirming masterpiece that extends far beyond the bedroom, fostering a much more holistic and powerful understanding of this term.

In essence, Lorde’s eroticism encompasses self-knowledge and the pursuit of our deepest personal cravings in all aspects of our lives, refusing to settle for what is “convenient,” “conventionally expected,” or “safe.” It’s challenging to convey the depth of Lorde’s meaning without oversimplifying her words:

“…whether it is dancing, building a bookcase, writing a poem, making love, examining an idea. That self-connection shared is a measure of the joy which I know myself to be capable of feeling, a reminder of my capacity for feeling. And that deep and irreplaceable knowledge of my capacity for joy comes to demand from all my life that it be lived within the knowledge that such satisfaction is possible, and does not have to be called marriage, nor god, nor man, nor an afterlife.”

Lorde’s description evokes a desire for the fullness of life, challenging external expectations and disappointments, especially for women.

At its core, Lorde believed that eroticism was deeply feminine. She explained that the erotic is a “resource within each of us that lies in a deeply female and spiritual plane, firmly rooted in the power of our unexpressed or unrecognised feelings.” While she believed it was not beneficial for these feelings to remain unexpressed, she asserted that those in power sought to “corrupt” or “distort” them as a force for change among oppressed people.

This feminine characterisation of the erotic must be situated in its second-wave feminist context. Some may accept or reject her gendered language, but Lorde’s concept of the erotic is something everyone can explore within themselves. She believed that “shared self-connection” has the potential to bridge differences between people. “For not only do we touch our most profoundly creative source, but we do that which is female, that which is self-affirming in the face of a racist, patriarchal, anti-erotic society,” she stated.

Great minds like Lorde and Perel have pulled eroticism in different directions, but always at its beating centre, eroticism is about potent human desire, stoked like a flame.

The erotic can be love, sex, connection, passion, yearning, fulfilment, and so much more. How will you incorporate the erotic into your life?